Reverb 10 - Day 31 - Core Story

Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world?

I am a father, a husband, and a friend. I try to balance all of these things, but the father/husband part took precedence this year. These things give me purpose in my life. I haven't always had a lot of purpose in my post-college adult life, I've gone through periods where I didn't feel it as much. But I've never felt it more strongly than this year.

I noticed a couple of days ago on Twitter that many people were complaining about 2010 being a bad year for them. I can say nothing but the opposite, it was a great year, one of my best. I'm very happy with my life right now and having a purpose and living towards achieving that purpose is one of the big reasons why that is the case.

Of the three things, being a father is the newest adventure for me, and it's one that I look forward to continuing in the years to come. My daughter is a great joy. She is a wonderful young lady, already so full of happiness and smiles from an early age. I love seeing her grow and develop and being there for her when she's having a bad day (and she does).

I love my beautiful wife dearly and being married to her has been a great thing in my life. She is my best-friend, my life partner, my closest companion, and the person I spend the most time with. She knows me very well - we've been together 10 years, married for 5. Not all of that time has been flowers and sunshine between us, but the last year has been really magical in our marriage. Being able to share the joy of parenting with her has only strengthened us as a couple. My wife knows my strong suits and quirks very well, and she also knows what I don't like. We complement each other amazing well.

I've had a lot of friends over the years and people have come and gone, but the core group of people in my life at this time are great. All of them are very understanding about the demands my family places on me at the present time and I really appreciate that (some of them have their own family demands too!). I want to be better about reaching out to people to see how they are doing - it is admittedly something I'm terrible at lately, but may things continue to be great in the coming years with my friends.

2010 was a great year and I look forward to a 2011 filled with just as much fun, awesomeness, love and understanding.

Reverb 10 - Day 30 - Gift

Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

It's a cliche at this point in this month long exercise, but being a dad is the best gift I could have ever hoped for. It was somewhat of a long time coming, Katie and I tried for a while to get pregnant. We finally did. I'll never forget that day, and I'll never forget the day she was born.

Being responsible for the growth, development and safety of a little human being is so much more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. I enjoy her so much. It's really melted away a lot of the concerns in my life and gives things better focus. It's hard to describe to someone who's never had kids of their own, but other newly minted parents completely understand it. I really think that thinking what parenthood will be like before you have kids, and what it's actually like afterward are such different things.

Abby got an ornament from my Aunt Sue with a letter saying that she'd get one every year until she is 18. It was very heart-felt and I really appreciated it. The ornament was very pretty too.

We chose not to give gifts in my family this year, other than stocking stuffers. We still got a little carried away, but Abigail got the mass of gifts, and that was perfect. Gift giving tends to be such a pain in the ass sometimes, but when it pays off, it pays off. We got everyone in our family a book of pictures of Abigail via Shutterfly and this was one of the funnest gifts I've ever given to anybody. Very emotional and I think people appreciated it.

Reverb 10 - Day 29 - Defining moment

Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

OK, so a few of these this week have been somewhat repetitive, but this is nearly a clone of this one and I think it stands just as well. So I'm letting that link stand as today's posting.

See also: this

Nothing else new today that hasn't already been said!

Reverb 10 - Day 28 - Acheive

Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

Man, this one feels a lot like Action on one of the early days. One which I had a hard time figuring out.

But I'll go in a more general direction here and say that I want to be the best dad I can be next year, and I'd imagine I'll be very happy when I accomplish that. Joyful and happy.

10 things I can do to experience that today? Let's take a stab at it:
1) Comfort her when she's crying
2) Relieve her mother when it's clear that she's exasperated/exhausted
3) Keep the house picked up
4) sing songs and read stories to her
5) love her unconditionally
6) watch her grow and develop into a beautiful little girl
7) have fun in interesting and new ways with her
8) teach her things
9) be there for her
10) be her dad

Oh boy, a bit of a stretch, but the gist of it is there.

Reverb 10 - Day 27 - Ordinary Joy

Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

These are kind of starting to get repetitive, it feels like. I guess it's hard to do 30 days of these without that happening. I'm a day behind too, and the one for today is also seemingly repetitive.

For this one, I really think it's watching my daughter play and interact socially. I sound like a broken record, I know, but having a child is such a central thing in a person's life, especially when they are a young infant. Watching Abby look around the room, taking it all in, is a lot of fun.

We took Abby to a restaurant last night where we put her in a high chair sitting up for the first time. She was very interested in what was going on in that restaurant, looking all around and taking it all in, smiling at everybody and looking quizzically at the young kid behind us that was having a temper tantrum. I love my daughter, and I love that she's so curious about the world, and not phased by a lot of people and things going on in whatever space she's in.

Reverb 10 - Day 26 - Soul Food

Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

It's fresh in my mind, so it might be causing some bias, but my mom's Christmas dinner last night was probably the highlight. It was pretty great. Standard Christmas fare - Beef Tenderloin, carrots with chive and red pepper, Rosemary Parmesan Potatoes (which are the bomb, and I'm not a big potato guy normally. A cranberry-orange jello salad with a delicious topping and pies for desert.

I helped mom find several of the recipes online using a couple of sites that I know well. We used her new iMac in the kitchen, which I hope she continues to use for such purposes (and even had an Apple touch mouse lesson).

The food was good, clean, American Christmas food.

Since I'm biased about this, the runner up is some of the dishes I cooked using CSA materials. We cooked a lot of new things this year, including pea shoot pesto, which was probably my favorite, and Katie liked it a great deal as well. Our food processor got a good workout this year.

Reverb 10 - Day 25 - Photo

Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.



We were dancing around the room. I feel like this picture shows my easygoing nature of being a father. Katie took it in our living room. Abby was two months old.

Reverb 10 - Day 24 - Everything's OK

Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

This one's easy. Any one of the moments I spent with my daughter. But the best are the early morning weekend moments where we hang out while her mom sleeps. The wonder and joy that are having children is really hard to put into words. It is more incredible then everybody could have told me before we had them.

Everything's going to be alright when you have a child. It put everything into focus, into perspective. She is the center of my world, of my universe. Most everything I do now is geared towards her and her mother. It puts everything else into proper perspective. Those things I worried about in my twenties? A lot of them have melted away.

Reverb 10 - Day 23 - New Name

New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

Jack.

It was my grandfather's name and a name that I cherish. My mother's father. It will be my first-born son's name if we ever have a boy. (and his middle name will be William). And it's a name I'd be proud to have. My grandfather was a very special man. He passed away 7 years ago. I can't believe it's been so long. I often wonder what he'd think about the state of the world today. I think about him a lot this time of year because I spend Christmas with my mom's family.

Reverb 10 - Day 22 - Travels

Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

This one's easy. We didn't. Katie was too pregnant to fly anywhere in the first part of 2010, and once Abby was born, we didn't really go anywhere. The furthest we made it in her first couple of months was to visit our friends that were camping about an hour from our house.

Not exactly true, because to close out 2010 we decided to travel to my parents house in North Carolina, which involved flying. Abby's first plane ride was yesterday, fitting on the day I was supposed to write this. It went very well all things considered. We were warned by many that the pressure might be an issue for her, particularly on take-off and landing, but she was sleeping on take off and nursing on landing, so she barely noticed. A real trooper, I was proud of her.

Flying with kids is challenging. Not only do you have more stuff to bring with you, but you also have to deal with strollers and things of that nature. We bought a more portable umbrella stroller and a bag to go with it that is red with a gigantic "GATE CHECK" on the side of it. These things help ease the struggle. Going through security takes more time as well.

I hope to travel more in 2011, but with the little one, I'm not sure how much we'll actually go anywhere. She can still travel on Katie's lap, which seemed to work pretty well. We've talked about Mexico a couple of times, and it'd be fun to go somewhere like that with my parents. (built in babysitting!)

Reverb 10 - Day 21 - Future Self

Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

This is a good one. I'm just through the transition to fatherhood, so I don't see 5 years from now being terribly different than now, except that my kids will be older and there will be more than one of them. But I can give it a shot.

First off, be patient - remember how you learned patience in 2010 and keep applying that. Your kids will try you but don't let them get to you. You have a great depth of patience and understanding that you didn't even know you had and just started to discover in 2010.

2nd, Drive - keep up your drive, don't settle too far into a routine, don't let yourself get complacent about your career or your life. It's easy to get stuck in the routine and not push and challenge yourself, but don't let yourself get to that point. You don't want to be in a situation where you have career issues.

Those are the two main things I can think of. This is a tough one, because it's hard to envision what I'll be like in 5 years.

If I wrote a letter to myself of 10 years ago, here's what it would sound like:

Dear 2000 Bill,

The next 10 years will bring you great adventures in your life. That woman you just met and started dating? She'll end up being your wife and the mother of her child. Treat her right. Do all the little things for her - she'll appreciate it.

The things you find important now, you won't in 10 years, and your friends will come and go. Don't get too caught up in the dramas of the day, a lot of that will seem silly later on. Only dedicate time to those in your life that show an interest in reciprocating. Don't spend too much time on friendships where it doesn't seem like there is a strong mutual interest, you'll only get burned by that.

You will grow in ways you didn't even expect over the next 10 years. Enjoy the Ride.

Sincerly, 2010 Bill

Reverb 10 - Day 20 - Beyond Avoidance

Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

Well, there's probably lots of little things I could talk about here, having a child deters things no matter what you do, that's for sure.

Probably the biggest thing is broadening my social horizons. I have a small set of friends that I hang out with on a regular basis and I appreciate that, but I'd also like to spend more time with a couple of sets of people, old and new friends, that I missed out on in 2010. Part of that was just having a baby and the demands on that. But Katie and I need to get better at seeking out babysitters and getting some semblance of balance back in our lives, I think it will benefit both of us.
Increasingly, we are socializing with other parents, and I'm sure that will grow stronger as Abby gets older.

I think we will do a better job of this next year, and I look forward to it. But at the end of the day, I don't mind chillin' at home with the kiddo either. At all. I love it, in fact.

Reverb 10 - Day 19 - Healing

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Oh no. Another topic that I really can't think of anything at first glance. What healed me this year? Pretty presumptuous to assume that I need to be healed in the first place. Or maybe that's just me as a dude putting up that front that dudes always put up when it comes to things related to healing (specifically thinking of doctors here, even though I know this is a more meta concept in this context).

So yeah, really nothing else to say here. Lame, I know.

Reverb 10 - Day 18 - Try

Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

When I think of try, I tend to think of foods for whatever reason. And really, a lot of the things I want to try probably revolve around cooking lately.

I'm seriously amateur when it comes to cooking. More food then I'd like to admit comes out of a package in our house. Though one of the things we tried in 2010 was joining a CSA. This allowed us to get fresh produce in our house from June until November. We're going to do it again next year because it was largely a success. Katie and I ate better, and while we threw out a fair amount of rotten produce, we did manage to eat quite a bit of it.

The CSA culminates with a delivery right before thanksgiving which became a big chunk of our thanksgiving meal. I had a goal to scratch cook everything for Thanksgiving dinner that we hosted at our house - no stove top or gravy packets or canned cranberries. It was a success. I made sausage stuffing, cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes with celery root (good, but I'm going to look for a different recipe next year.)

One of the things I want to try next year is to cook at least one dish with each of the produce we get from the CSA. I was probably on 80-90% this year, but I'm going to make it formal, and I also think it would be worthwhile to write about it here. That's a great idea, in fact.

Reveb 10 - Day 17 - Lesson Learned

Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

This is another tough one - at first thought, I can't really think of anything in particular that I haven't already talked about. It'd be nice to talk about something other than becoming a new dad, but that dominated my life this year, so it's hard not to have everything center around that.

I think what I really learned this year more than anything is that I can persevere through a lot of things and keep going. Every year of my adult life, I've seemingly had more responsibility, more things going on, more financial things to track, just more of everything. With children comes more financial responsibility, life insurance, wills, health-care directives, all of these kinds of things. Better money management because there's now expenses related to having a child to deal with. I could go on and on.

I think dealing with all of this has taught me that I'm quite adept at it, and that I shouldn't fear the future, but embrace it. It has made me a more confident person that will power through whatever life throws at me.

Reverb 10 - Day 16 - Friendship

Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

My best friend is my wife and she's also the person I've spent the most time with this year. Having a kid changes how you interact with your friends - it reduces the time you can spend with a lot of them.

My wife has shown me that it's possible to juggle 30 different things and live to tell about it. I've always been bad at multi-tasking - my wife is a pro. To see her be able to juggle a full time job with being a mom and doing all kinds of things around the house.

This has made me realize that I can do a better job of doing a lot of different things at once and juggling all of the demands of life.

Reverb 10 - Day 15 - 5 minutes

5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

OK, there's a lot of stuff that happened this year. The birth of my daughter is clearly number one. All the things that happened that day and in the subsequent days. The multiple visits from my parents and family, and how much joy they got out of being with my daughter.

Opening day at Target Field - being a part of something great and new and outdoors. So much fun to be there for the beginning of it all. Going hand in hand with that, 4th of July at Target Field with Katie for her first visit.

The multiple early snowstorms including Blizzard '10, the craziest snow event in a while around these parts.

The collapse of the Vikings and Favregate. It was bad, but it was also memorable. I will remember this team for how much promise they squandered. The dome collapsing was an incredibly metaphor for the season too.

Memorial Weekend and being able to briefly visit friends out camping with Abby.

Katie's shower weekend where I got to spend time with my dad and brother doing stuff at my house.

Those are just some of the many things that happened this year.

Reverb 10 - Day 14 - Appreciate

Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I'm appreciating fatherhood and what it brings. I appreciate the chance to mold and shape a young lady's life into something great. I enjoy taking care of her and seeing her grown and develop into a little person. I express gratitude through it each and every day to my wife and my daughter by showing my affection for them.

Reverb 10 - Day 13 - Action

Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

We have a lot of ideas with what we can do with our house to modernize it and make it more our home. What we really need to do is meet with an architect and contractor and get a master plan, then get to work on it.

We made an appointment with someone but that's since been delayed till sometime next year.

That's probably the major thing I need to make happen in my life in the next year.

Reverb 10 - Day 12 - Body Integration.

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

Look, I'm a big guy. I'm overweight for my size. I've got a nice beer gut. I'm most integrated with my body when I'm eating. No kidding. I like food. But I've been able to wear the same clothes for a number of years, so I'm not sweating it too much.

But I did try to run this year. It was a moderate success - I proved that I could do it. I did the couch to 5k program. Really good deal if you haven't run in a while or on a regular basis before.

A couple of those runs felt really good, especially the first long run. There were definitely some runner-high moments there.

I hope to run more next spring - it's hard to do in the winter without a gym membership or a treadmill. We may eventually get a treadmill, we've been talking about it for a while.